I can't sleep, so here:
Today I took the alternate AP Music Theory exam. That was my last AP test. Ever, ever, ever. But really, can you say anticlimactic? Because I really thought I would feel some sort of relief after sealing those multiple choice booklets for the last time.Well, that or maybe nostalgia, though that would be pushing it.
But no, the test ended with me sight singing two phrases, walking out of the testing room, and getting lunch in the cafeteria. I'm trying to recall what I felt at the end of the test, but my mind just kind of crossfades from minor arpeggios to cheese breadsticks.
I'm thinking this whole thing - events more or less feeling anticlimactic, that is - is a general pattern for me recently. Big events, like my birthday, Christmas, senior finals, or the last day of high school, almost seem routine? Or that they don't deserve any special recognition or anything - after all, life goes on. I almost suspect that this is the pattern most people follow, though. But seriously, I am not an expert.
I have a feeling I'm going to process graduation the same way, however, which is kind of a sobering thought.
Comments (3)
I can attest to the anticlimactic feel of everything around me, and sometimes, I wonder if it's me, or if it's everything.
hm, yeah, my graduation was deathly anticlimactic. better shoot up with adrenaline first. or just streak around your neighborhood when it's still cold and dark outside.
Stuff tends to feel more important for me if I'm actually doing something about it. Ceremonies help a little--like, for graduation you dress up in a neat costume and perform for all the spectators. Yet they also can draw attention to themselves at the expense of whatever they're supposed to celebrate.
Maybe that happens when a graduation ceremony doesn't feel like a fitting way to acknowledge everything that's happened in the last four years--so then graduation becomes thought of as the ceremony itself, detached from the conclusion of high school. And one day the idea emerges to compare it to, say, a school play--for which people tend to do far more stuff--and graduation seems very small indeed.
I dunno, that's just a wild guess. Maybe it's as simple as a matter of one's expectations for the event.